5.7.97

crossing tears stain my cheeks
a silent sadness i wished forgotten
i stare into a haunting reflection
terrified of the reality
looking back at me
i know this frequent rejection
too familiar to ever leave
but too close to be near
it is a forced distance
dictated from hearts of past
a self control against a misguided future
and there it brews
a formula that does not woo
but chants a lostful soul
into arms not clearly for you
and with each breath
the deepness stings longer
and confused eyes blink redder
and i try to pretend my life away
and wish on each morning a brighter day
and then it worsens, and reality drifts to fantasy
and i follow along
for a return i do not welcome, a control i do not own
though i understand what makes it dream
i sometimes hope the realities sleep long
but desperate touches lead to comfort measures
tricking and preying on vulnerable donors
and i am the body and mind
receiving these double edged pleasures of pain
so foolish i may seem, so reluctant to change
and the louder my feelings pound inside
the deafer i become
i am ripped of my senses and doubtness drowns my sight
i don’t want to be special
i just want to be me
a me that is good enough for all to see